Dear Lauren –
I feel angry a lot of the time. I don’t understand it. On the outside, it seems like life is good. But it doesn’t feel like it. Please help. I am afraid of driving my friends away. My boyfriend has been good about handling my outbursts, but I’m not sure how long he can hang on.
Dear Explosive –
I am sorry that you are feeling so out-of-control of your feelings. It is very reasonable for you to reach out for help. Persistent anger can be exhausting as well as drive away the people closest to you.
At its healthiest, anger is certainly a signal that something is wrong. It is a healthy emotion and helps you protect yourself from emotional injury. Not surprisingly, sometimes what triggers your anger is not the issue that is bothering you the most.
While anger, itself, is healthy, chronic explosive anger is not. There are two emotions that lie beneath anger. The first is hurt. The second is fear. It is reasonable to begin exploring what lies beneath your anger. You can ask yourself questions with respect to a specific incident, “What am I feeling hurt by?” and “What am I afraid of?”
Anger begins with a behavioral trigger and proceeds to an interpretation of that trigger. For example, “my boyfriend didn’t call on time” may be interpreted to mean “he is cheating on me.” This interpretation will lead to an emotional consequences: anger, hurt, and fear. It is important to understand that the emotional consequence is in response to one’s interpretation of the event — which may or may not be accurate.
One’s angry reactions stem from a personal interpretation of a situation and the self-talk that follows. Chronic anger suggests low self-esteem. There may be feelings of helplessness, not knowing how to assert or affect change. There may be a desire to try to control situations, again stemming from not knowing how to healthfully assert or affect change. Anger may also flare when it feels like low self-esteem issues are validated through another person’s behavior.
Untangling those triggers, thoughts, and emotions — leading to a more proactive and peaceful lifestyle — can be done with time and commitment. A therapist can help you understand, manage, and move beyond anger problems.
Has something gone wrong with your relationship with your boyfriend causing you to go separate ways? If things were going great and somehow they got derailed, don’t fret! It is quite possible to win your ex boyfriend back using the right steps and some basic understanding about where you should go from here.
There are 4 vital questions you have to ask yourself. These are imperative in deciphering how to win your ex boyfriend back without driving him away.
– Is the event that caused the breakup worthy of the attention it is getting?
– Is it appropriate to be arguing about this event at this point?
– Is this argument going to make anything different or better or is it best just to let the argument die and move on?
– Is the event even worth the argument?
If the answer is no to any of the above questions, then you should stop pushing the matter and just let it go. Many times a breakup could be avoided or quickly reconciled if a huge argument is handled. Many breakups come as a result of a small argument that escalates into something much bigger. The true issue isn’t what the couple are arguing about but some other unsaid topic.
The next move to learn how to get your ex boyfriend back is to stop worrying about how other people perceive you. It’s not really important if other folks think you’re cute, funny, thin, or intelligent. Let go of these concerns and be yourself. Once you’re confidently operating in your own self, people, including your ex boyfriend, will see who you are and accept you as you are, instead of who you’re trying to be.
Putting some emotional and mental distance between you and your ex is an important step in learning how to him back. Taking yourself out of the situation will reduce the stress associated with the breakup. Once you’re both more relaxed and in control, resolution can begin. This new position allows for constructive communication. You do want to have a little distance between you while maintaining positive conversation and communication. In order to survive these conversations, you’ll have to leave the emotions out of the conversations.
Emotionally and mentally distancing yourself from your ex is an important step in learning how to get your ex boyfriend back. While this may seem counterintuitive, it is actually important to take yourself out of the situation mentally, removing the stress associated with the break up. When you are feeling more calmed and relaxed, and he is feeling the same, this is when true resolution can finally become a part of the dialogue between the two of you. A little bit of distance never hurt anyone. It’s important to stay in contact and maintain positive conversation and communication, but leave your emotions out of it if you want to survive these conversations.
Once the two of you are operating with clear heads, the situation can be assessed for what it really is. After you both have calmed down you can get together and talk through a solution.
If you and your ex boyfriend can be civil enough to communicate about the breakup, it can most likely be undone. If you do your part of maintaining patience and rational communication, half of the battle will be won. This should be your primary goal if you’re serious about reconciling with your ex boyfriend and rekindling the flame.
This is a good starting place for the process of getting your ex boyfriend back without driving him away. They are only the initial steps. You must have the entire system or you’ll go off half-cocked getting your ex back. The Magic Of Making Up is a proven, step by step, system to help you Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back Without Driving Him Away.
Arlissa P. is a Relationship Recovery Mentor. Everyone deserves to have someone special in their life. Perhaps your relationship has broken up and you want to get your ex back. Arlissa is an expert in this area and has written many articles on the topic. These can be found at her Relationship Recovery Blog.
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Is your boyfriend starting to look longingly at the door far too early in the evening for your comfort? Is he finding more and more reasons to work late or hang out with friends than he has in the past? Are you worried that there’s something you’re doing to drive your boyfriend away? It could be that some of your actions really are pushing him away from you. Here are some of the most common actions of women that make men beat hasty retreats.
Don’t Fence Him In
Men are still cowboys to some degree. They want to ride the wide open countryside. They want to enjoy the thrill of the chase. They don’t want to be home for supper promptly at 5:30 every night and they don’t want to feel like they’ve been hogtied to your hip.
Give him a little space to roam and take in the sights. The important things in life aren’t about the scenery he sees along the way but where he hangs his spurs at night after all.
Understand that He’s Not a Mind-Reader
Men find women to be strange and mysterious creatures. Women often place many more complications on men than men deserve. When typically really do say what they mean with no hidden agendas. Women are always looking for hidden agendas or deeper meaning. Men just aren’t involved enough to have deeper meaning for the most part
But there is nothing men find more frustrating and irritating then dealing with a woman who is upset with him for not figuring out the hidden meaning of her words and holding him responsible for missing her hidden clues.
If you want to keep your man happy, say what you mean and mean what you say. It doesn’t get any simpler than that in many relationships. It will save you a lot of needlessly hurt feelings because he’ll know what’s what and it will save him endless hours of frustration trying to figure out what he did wrong when you’re saying “you know what you did wrong!”
Stop the Endless Power Struggles
Men don’t like the need to struggle at home. They want their homes to be places of solitude and solidarity. They don’t want to have to constantly engage in a battle of wills, pride, and spine steal.
In fact, if you really want to make your man melt, the best way to go about it is by letting him be the man. It’s one thing to have some issues that you feel strongly about. It’s something else entirely when you’re always putting him down or trying to look better than him. Those aren’t the acts of a loving woman he’s going to want to think about happily ever after with.
Are you driving him away? The good news is that all of these problems can be easily corrected. You can even use this knowledge to help you figure out how to get your ex back. Just make sure that you don’t fall into the same old ruts or all your effort to save your relationship and avoid pushing the man you love away in the future could be for naught. Visit the link above and see for yourself why this plan has been so successful that it’s already helped more than 50,000 couples work things out. What can it do for the two of you?
First, you are going to want to ask yourself four vital questions. These are really important questions when it comes to figuring out how to get your ex boyfriend back.
– Is the matter that caused the breakup actually important enough to warrant the attention it is getting?
– Is it even really appropriate to argue about this matter right now?
– Can anything be changed or made different by prevailing in the argument or is it more worthwhile to just nip the argument in the bud and move on?
– Is the issue even worth arguing about in the first place?
If you answer no to any of the aforementioned questions, then stop pressing the matter and let it slide. Many break ups can be prevented or quickly rekindled if a large argument is settled. Surprisingly enough, many breakup inducing argument are really completely unnecessary, and could be cast aside if only the parties involved could let the tension slide and move on.
The next step to learning how to get your ex boyfriend back is to stop fretting so hard about how you are being perceived. It really does not matter if people think you are funny or too serious, fat or too thin, stupid or intelligent. You want to let go on these concerns so that you can finally be yourself and let your behavior flow. This way, people like your ex boyfriend will perceive you for who you actually are, rather than who you are trying to be.
Emotionally and mentally distancing yourself from your ex is an important step in learning how to get your ex boyfriend back. While this may seem counterintuitive, it is actually important to take yourself out of the situation mentally, removing the stress associated with the break up. When you are feeling more calmed and relaxed, and he is feeling the same, this is when true resolution can finally become a part of the dialogue between the two of you. A little bit of distance never hurt anyone. It’s important to stay in contact and maintain positive conversation and communication, but take the emotions out of the situation if you want to survive the conversation.
Once your head is clear, and his head is clear, this is when the situation can be truly analyzed for what it is. When you and your ex are no longer feeling so hot headed about the issue that led to the breakup, this is when you can sit down together and communicate through a solution.
Most breakups can be easily undone if you and your ex boyfriend can simply find the patience and civility to talk things through, so this should be your primary goal if you want to rekindle the flame with an ex significant other that you care significantly for.
Do you want to get your ex back? The Magic of Making Up worked like magic for me! Do you know it? It will work for you too, get your ex back TODAY! www.gettingyourexback.tk
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