Many people ask themselves “why do I want my ex back?” when they seem unable to drop a love that has left them by the wayside. Your closest friends, your own common sense and perhaps even your ex are telling you that you should move on. So why do you ignore the advice of people who know you and continue to ask this question?

Language of Desires

You were in a relationship, in which you had invested heavily and it hard to drop something for which you have developed a real attachment.

Like most people you do not believe in getting involved in a relationship superficially. It is normal to want love and hope that it will last a long time, and to dream of how things could be. Unfortunately things do not happen as you had hoped and there is a split, but you find yourself hanging in there hoping. You are going to have to learn to adjust to the fact that what may have seemed a good idea in the past no longer exists

Were you drawn in by real love or was it just the idea of being in love? It may be difficult to tell. Was there ever any love? It would be surprising if there was none at the start but it has certainly evaporated since. You were very attached to your partner, and now they are no longer there you are having difficulty accepting they are really gone.

You are a bit like someone who has lost an arm or a leg but still feels a twitch from time to time making them think their lost limb is still there. All you can do is teach your brain that the limb has really gone.

This situation is the same for people who were closely attached by a relationship of love or just a simple friendship. Your brain still reacts as if the partner is still there and you are perpetually thinking of them and you feel there is nothing you can to change this.

Your brain is taking a long time to adjust to this change and you continue to think of them.

You wonder why you continue to ask yourself, “why do I want my ex back?”, but don’t let it upset you. It may be a good idea to seek some therapy from someone who can help you get over the broken relationship. Look for someone with experience of being able to understand and who has already helped others with a similar problem. Your brain has to be taught how to forget this part of your life. Your problem is not unique to you, so get some help, learn how to get distracted and in time it will pass and you will stop asking yourself “why do I want my ex back?”

You will also find it useful to read “The Magic of Making Up”, written by T ‘Dub’ Jackson. He has helped many people, in a similar situation, all over the world to resolve their relationship problems.