A young fellow I work with in one of my classes, we’ll call him Romeo, asked me this very question about three weeks ago. I might mention that I also know his girlfriend — we’ll call her Juliet. What I wanted to say to him was: “You became the poster boy for the brainless when you broke up with that girl!”
Instead, mature counselor that I am, I asked him why they broke up.
It was the same sad, old story. He had met a new girl on the golf course. According to Romeo she was “very hot” and she “gave him the green light.” Naturally she stayed with him for almost two whole weeks — then moved on to her next “Romeo.”
I know Romeo pretty well. I have worked with him on various projects for over two years now. To be honest, I don’t think the new “hot girl” was the reason he broke up with Juliet. I think Romeo loves Juliet but I think he’s afraid of making a commitment to her.
Romeo had been thinking about settling down, getting married and starting a family. He had never thought about those things before he met Juliet. But Juliet is a career girl and Romeo believed her future plans did not include raising kids.
Unfortunately Romeo is not very good at talking about his hopes and fears, so he decided it was better to end the relationship instead of talking to Juliet about it.
Romeo is a sharp guy, but honestly, how can someone so intelligent be so stupid? Some men are absolutely terrified of expressing their feelings — especially their fears. And that is just sad.
Now Juliet, as anyone who knows her will tell you, adores Romeo. And even though she was deeply hurt, they still can make a great couple. It seemed likely to me that they could repair their relationship.
But Juliet is going to have to be convinced that Romeo is truly sorry. And that he will never do it again. Romeo is going to have to win her back. She’s not without options of her own, and she is going to need some serious wooing.
Which brings us to the point of finding the answer to Romeo’s original question: How do I get back together with my ex-girlfriend, Juliet?
Since I have dealt with this a few times, both personally and helping others, my suggestion was that he write her a letter.
Romeo asked if an email would do.
The answer was no. It had to be a letter — a hand written letter.
A hand written letter is such an old fashioned way of courting someone that it almost always guarantees a positive response.
The next question was expected: “What do I say to her?”
This guy got through grad school, but doesn’t know how to write a letter to the girl he loves. I think he would have been happy if I would have played Cyrano for him and written the letter myself.
“Tell her how you feel.”
You should have seen the pained expression on his face.
“If you love her, tell her. Tell her you are very sorry for the pain you caused her. Tell her that you would like to take her to dinner Saturday night, to her favorite restaurant, and show her how badly you feel for the way you behaved.”
Romeo and Juliet did go out Saturday night, but I will save that part of the story for a different article.
The advice I gave Romeo followed a proven, MATURE course of many steps, when taken one after the other, will repair their relationship. I have used these steps to help many of my students and associates. They are all outlined at http://repairtherelationship.info