You lost your love and now you want your ex back. We all do. I want to share with you some of the experiences I have had within my life with being on the receiving end of being dumped. More times, to none I was very shocked when this occurrence happened, however, I knew deep down in my heart that it was not my decision; it was their decision to end the relationship. Yes, more times to none, I did want my ex back, however, I knew it was a decision they would have to make.

Language of Desires

Getting your ex back is not an easy task, at least not in the beginning. The numerous stages one will go through can be equivalent to an emotional rollercoaster. I know it is easier said than done, but you must keep your wits as well as your cool during the initial phase of the breakup. This is the most tempting period to perform some stupid things. Things such as begging and pleading or demanding answers to why the breakup has occurred. Keep in mind that no matter the begging and pleading or demanding of answers, your ex does not owe you anything. You are not going to get your ex back by doing any of these things. They already informed you the relationship is over and it is your job as a mature adult to accept this fact, however, it is not mandatory for you to accept the fact of the failed relationship in order for your ex to move on with their lives.

I have found that when we do accept the hardcore fact of a failed relationship, no matter how much it hurts, we are much more apt of moving on with our lives. Let us face the fact that sometimes our significant others will break up with us sometimes only to prove a point. This is within itself very juvenile and inconsiderate; do not fall into the trap of engaging in the same behavior. You must also ask yourself when this occurs, if you truly want someone back into your life that can be so hurtful. Do you really want to get your ex back?

I have had men break up with me only to see how I would react. The reason I knew this is that soon after they broke up with me, they would come running back to me, pretending to wanting to be friends but also wanting to know what is going on in my life. I always asked myself when this occurred, if they are so interested in my life, why did they dump me. This made me very suspicious of the initial reasoning they utilized in dumping me. This is where I gained the upper hand on my ex while determining if I wanted my ex back.

Your ex needs to view you going on with your life. They need to realize that whether they are in your life or not, your life is going on. Ensure they know that you are performing positive things with your life. Also, ensure that they know you very well might not even want to take them back even if they ask. Your ex needs to understand that your emotions are not to be played with. You might even find that you will not want your ex back after the failed relationship. On the other hand, you might determine that you want your ex back but only if you see the much needed changes in order to make the relationship work.

Sometimes people break up with their significant others so they can perform things they ordinarily could not do if they were in a relationship, this is not fair to you. You are not there for them to utilize your relationship as a boomerang. Your ex needs to understand that you will not always be there catering to their every need and will not always want them back. If your ex wants to talk to you for endless hours, you must cease allowing this to happen. Tell your ex that you are not their therapist, you do not have the time to dedicate to someone who you are not in a relationship with, if they want to perform these acts, then they can work on reconciling, otherwise, you do not have time for their incessant complaints about life.

Remain standoffish to your ex. Do not be rude or inconsiderate, but allow your ex to know that you are hurt. You want to get your ex back but you also have to think about yourself. It is impossible to remain friends with someone while you are going through the “hurt” phase. Inform your ex that you are perfectly fine with remaining acquaintances, but to be true friends, the ex has to understand that friends do not purposely hurt friends. If your ex wants you back, they need to work on reconciling the relationship; otherwise, it is not fair for you to waste your time on them.

This is about standing up for you. If your ex hurt you and ended the relationship out of anger or merely juvenile actions, it is your job to ensure that they understand what they did was wrong. You do not have to endure emotional abuse from anyone and you are your own best advocate. It is ok to hurt and it is ok to realize that you were not the reason your ex broke up with you. It’s ok to understand that you did nothing wrong, if this is the case, then stand up for yourself while allowing your ex to see that you are not their emotional punching back and you very well might find that you do not want your ex back.

Why is getting your ex back so important to you? Because a good relationship is one of the most treasured of human interactions. We all want to be loved. There are the great times together, the shared dreams and visions, the mutual likes and dislikes and more. Great relationships are essential for enjoying a good quality of life. They color everything else around us.

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