Another stupid argument with your significant other. This time the result is a breakup. You know deep inside you love them and want to get your ex back. Whatever you have tried in the past obviously has not worked; just getting back together and trying to forget it all happened is not the solution. Here are some big mistakes to avoid if you truly want to get back together with your ex.
“Just move on, the breakup is in the past.”
Forgive and forget is hard to do. We never forget. If you want any chance of getting back together however, you need to process what has just happened. You cannot just smooth over it and think everything will be fine. Part of this processing involves accepting responsibility for your part in the breakup. It takes a lot of courage to own up to your blame, but it must be done. Forgiving and accepting forgiveness is important – be sincere about it. Think of what the alternative is going to be.
“I’ll do anything to make this work.”
This is seen as giving in. What relationship has a chance at all of succeeding when one person is in control over the other. Someone is going to get hurt. Making concessions in an attempt to get back with your ex will only lead to more problems down the road. You have to find your way back to each other on a level playing field.
“I can’t live without you, please take me back!”
Signs of desperation will not play well when getting back together. The last thing any partner wants is to deal with a sad and pathetic person with little self-esteem. This will only push them further away from you.
“If we are apart, we will never get back together.”
It might not seem logical, but time apart can be a good thing for your relationships. A lot of “you know what” has hit the fan and there will continue to be tension for a while after the breakup. Not only is there time to cool down, there is needed time to look at yourself. If you are caught up in the day to day of a relationship, you can lose sight of your individuality. Use this time to realize how strong you are and that you can make it on your own.
There really is no simple solution in place to get back with your ex. Time is needed to heal and “grow up”. If you truly believe you and your ex should be together, then be prepared to do a little work.
A great book, The Magic of Making Up, by TW Jackson takes the guesswork out of getting back with your ex. His proven techniques have brought couples back together time and again.
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