Are you feeling the aftermath of a painful relationship break up? I know how you feel, and you are not alone. Unless the relationship was a real mismatch mistake in the first place, missing your ex is a normal part of the break up process.

After my break up, I felt myself wondering if I had missed out on my once chance at true love. It was not just the companionship I missed, it actually went much deeper than that. All day long, all I could think of was that I miss my ex.

When something like this happens a person will try a lot of “knee jerk” reaction fixes trying to get their ex back. Naturally, this is like being in a hole and reaching for a shovel instead of a ladder; you just make things worse.

Maybe what you have been trying has just been pushing him or her further away from you. The first rule of holes is to stop digging. Now is the time to reconsider your tactics.

One of the biggest mistakes I hear about all the time is that someone kept calling their ex and with a blubbering voice repeated over and over the phrases “I love you”, “I miss you”, “I need you” and “I can’t live without you”. Let me tell you, that just will not work unless maybe your ex is a manipulating person who enjoys having control over you.

What most men want and what women find attractive is a person who is in control, confident and content with who they are. Now if that does not describe you, don’t despair, you can work on it.

What I have found to work very well is to take some time away from the relationship rebuilding, give your ex some space and give him or her a chance to miss you. Take this time to do a little self improvement.

Maybe start an exercise program. No, the results will not show to your ex immediately, but a good workout makes me feel better and more confident of myself. And that confidence shows through in body language and how people perceive us.

For gals, maybe splurge a little on yourself at a day spa and get a makeover. You are sure to come out of that looking better, feeling better, and more self confident. Hang out with your friends a little bit – not for a pity party, NO! – but to have some fun and relax.

Push the negative thoughts like “I miss my ex” out of your mind for a while and focus on positive actions that get you feeling better about yourself. Then, if you still feel like getting your ex back, start a new approach from a happy, confident perspective.

You may find that not only does your ex find you more attractive, but others do too. Nothing like having suitors fighting over you, is there?

The first time I felt like I miss my ex I made some mistakes too. But that was a long time ago and I have learned a lot since then.