The first time you see your ex after he broke up with you is going to be very emotional. If you’re looking to get back together with him, you’re probably going to be very nervous. And whether or not he’s looking to fix your break up, he’ll be nervous as well. Although you probably spoke on the phone or through email, this is the first contact with your ex that you’ve physically had in a long time. The fighting and arguing that probably ended your relationship has faded, leaving you both with a clear head.

Arriving at this point in your reconciliation is a good sign. Even if you (or your ex) set this meeting up as a friendly lunch or cup of coffee, the fact that he’s here talking to you one-on-one definitely says something about him still potentially being interested. If your boyfriend had moved on, he probably wouldn’t be here. And if you think he’s sitting across from you just to “be friends” with you, you’re dead wrong. Either he wants to date you again, or he wants the chance to date you again in the future. Of course, the possibility also exists that he’s looking for an ex-girlfriend hookup… but that’s another situation entirely.

When a man breaks up with you, it’s never final. There are always ways you can get back together again, regardless of circumstances. But if you’ve been actively working toward winning your boyfriend back, chances are he’s here to at least hear you out. Which is why you need to come to the reunion date as prepared as possible.

First of all, steer clear of any serious conversation. Don’t let small talk completely dominate things here (you don’t want him to bore him!) but at the same time you should avoid talking about your break up at all. Try to read him, and see what he’s feeling. If he talks, listen. Don’t interrupt. What he’s saying is probably important, and you don’t want to miss it by interjecting with nervous and awkward conversation. If your ex mentions missing you at all, tell him you feel the same way. If he brings up your past relationship, tell him simply that you wish things didn’t end the way they did. This opens the door for him, ever so slightly, to proceed further. You’re letting him know you’re still interested, but without overdoing it.

Above all else, do NOT apologize – even if you mean it. This isn’t the time or place to rehash what happened between the two of you. Meeting your ex boyfriend for the first time after breaking up is all about making him feel comfortable around you. He happy to see him, and keep things light and casual. Odds are he’ll be happy too, and you can both fall back into that old familiarity of just being around each other. This is good, because it reminds him what it was like to date you.

If all else fails and the conversation is locked up on nothing but small talk, you can try one last thing: bringing up a past memory. Think about the best time the two of you ever had together, and the place that you had it. Casually bring it up – tell him you passed that place the other day and you thought of him. See what he does. If he looks uncomfortable, back up a little bit. But if he smiles and nods in acknowledgment, you’ve just planted a small seed in his head. Later on, that seed will sprout a little as he remembers those good times too. And just like that, you’ve got him thinking about you again. Baby steps!

If you’re stuck on the steps leading up to seeing your ex again, don’t worry. Be sure to check out the whole 8-Step process to winning back an ex. For the complete, detailed guide on how to make your ex want you back, visit Get Back An Ex Boyfriend!