Would you do anything to get your love back? Questioning where to turn? Its entirely possible that you are refusing to believe its over, it may be taking time to sink in. You may be thinking of trying anything, anything to get them back and worrying about even more rejection. You need the space to reflect about plans and if you are focused on getting your love back,revisiting what you may have already have done and perhaps to do it differently is crucial

When you met or bumped into your ex, is this what you did?

1 Cried long and loudly but vowed that you can still be friends?

This never works. Neither of you will believe it to be true. You still have feelings and they know that. You believe deep down that if there is that connection you will get them back. They are totally in control here and you would be foolish to forget it. You are the vulnerable one and you have to be careful. Trying to keep control in this way is not going to work and you have to avoid learning that the hard way. In time, your demands on your “friend” will increase and you will drive them away. You have to learn how to love yourself, and keep some pride to get your love back.

2.Asking what you can do to get it right.

This reeks of total anguish. Both of you know that there won’t just be one thing that has caused it to finish. Begging is just not attractive to anyone, least of all your ex. You are putting them in control and asking them to beat you over the head with it You are asking them what you could do and then doing it just to get your love back. If you ask these questions and don’t agree with what they say but do it anyway, its a short term fix and will just build on your resentments .That way leads to tension and breakdown and will not help you to get your love back.Rather it will force your love away in the long term.

3 Swear to change

Now you really have lost it. If you know you won’t be able to keep to it, don’t do it. You will lose their trust altogether this time. Think first, is this a change that is possible for you to make, not just now but in the long term? If you will no longer be you, then its only a matter of time before it ends again. It probably takes subtle changes from both of you but if its only you asking to do the changing then perhaps its time to quit. It may be painful short term but if you really can’t or don’t want to change then perhaps its time to give up on this one.

There are so many mistakes and wrong paths here. If you get it wrong, you may not recover. You need a plan and help.

Sarah Sutton writes on relationship issues. For more help visit http://www.stopbreakingup.com