It’s always difficult ending a relationship, especially if the split was not amicable. You may have split with your boyfriend or girlfriend because you felt you had to, or maybe a fight spiraled out of control and the end was nigh before you had chance to end the argument. Whatever the reason, if you feel a mistake has been made and you want your ex back, here are some simple steps on how to get your lover back.

DON’T beg. On meeting your ex, your head will fill with many one liners to hook your ex back. You may think that pleading for another chance will make you look interested and committed, but it really makes you look desperate and pathetic. Putting your ex boyfriend or girlfriend on a guilt trip is not right and may actually lower your self esteem. Show your ex that you are generally sorry for the way things have ended and act as if you understand their decision. 

DO remain calm. You probably still feel it was not your fault, but you don’t have to express this. Yes, they had faults but so does every other human being, so reminding them of their imperfections won’t do the trick. Don’t remind him or her who started the argument and definitely do not pass the blame for the end of the relationship. If you keep a quiet respect for the split it will remind your ex of the mature person they originally fell for.

DO listen. If you patiently listen to what your ex has to say, it will help in understanding why you split in the first place. Your ex will appreciate having their say, and it may give them chance to rethink their own views on the relationship you share. Try to respond using keywords that they used in sentences, this will show you have been listening carefully. But be warned, do not use their words and turn them into a different meaning. This will only encourage another argument.

DO communicate. As mentioned previously, you shouldn’t be fighting over who caused the split but rather deciding on how to move forward. Let your ex know how you are feeling but ask questions to see if you’re both on the same page. If they contact you, keep your conversations brief and positive. There is no use fighting a losing battle if your ex is adamant they have already moved on.

DON’T rush. Give your partner time to consider your breakup (in peace) and it could work in your favor. Don’t call and email them constantly, give them space. Your lack of contact may also encourage them to call you, since you need to let them go before they will WANT to come back. Not only will they admire your patience, but they may question their decision.

If you follow this checklist and the other course guidelines found in The Magic Of Making Up, Getting Your Ex Back.” Your ex will be running back into your arms in no time – just think positive, be patient and keep busy!