Getting Back Together
Restoring Trust in Relationships – Getting Your Ex Back After An Affair
You’re guilty. You cheated. Now you’re asking yourself ‘How can I get my ex back after I’ve cheated’? There are people whose position is that an affair is a good reason to end your relationship. I wholeheartedly disagree with that thought process. I believe that every relationship can be salvaged as long as both parties are willing to put in the work required to keep it. This article is written to help you restore trust within relationships
To restore the trust in your relationship, an attitude and action adjustment will be required. It’s possible to save your relationship even after an affair, but the you must start with significantly increasing the level of trust between the members of the couple.
If you’re the one who had the affair, then something in your attitude or mentality caused you to stray away from your relationship. This is generally an indication that something is broken at the core of your relationship. Just know that whatever it is, it can be fixed.
Do a self assessment to determine what you were searching for when you strayed. Was the intimacy in your relationship boring and routine? Was she too focused on something other than you? Had she allowed her appearance, hygiene, or grooming to slip too much?
If the relationship was perfect, you wouldn’t have been caught up in an affair. So do some self analysis and ask yourself what needs to be done to fix the issues. The problem may not be all you, though. There could also be problems with your relationship, not the individuals.
Restoring trust in relationships basically means fixing these underlying problems. This may even require couples counseling. Many times a 3rd party can offer insight or mediation that cannot be obtained with just the two of you.
Just having an understanding of your thoughts isn’t enough. You must take specific action towards reconciling your differences. Don’t just talk about. Do something about it.
One of the most impactful things you can do is make small promises then do all you can to keep them. Let your word be your bond. Be consistent with the things you’ve promised to do. Demonstration of your trustworthiness on these small things will gradually improve your partner’s confidence in your ability and faithfulness with doing the greater things.
Just know that your girlfriend or wife is going to constantly need reassurance that you’ve changed for the long term and not just said words. This means you’ll probably be apologizing several times for your breach. Plan for comments about it to be made. Take them in stride and keep showing her that you’re serious about the success of your relationship. Your patience will be tested, but if your plan is to stay with her, you’ll continue being patient.
Don’t get me wrong. This isn’t to say that you should forever be laden with guilt about the affair. Don’t let her take you on guilt trips. Apologize for what you’ve done wrong. Be understanding. Move on.
I have a friend who is always telling me to find the silver lining in a bad situation. You can do this, too. Find the positives of the incident. Use this as an opportunity to grow individually and collectively. Scientists say a bone is strongest at the place of a break. Your relationship can be the same way after the affair.
Restoring the trust that’s been broken in your relationship will take time. Your relationship, like a bone, will not be healed overnight. The mentality and actions of both you and your partner will have to change. Be prepared for more accountability. Remember that it is possible to repair the breath and be a stronger couple as a result.
The Magic Of Making Up is loaded with clear, step-by-step advice for healing your relationship and getting your ex back after an affair. It’s written in plain language for all to understand and utilize. Don’t waste another minute wondering if you’re doing everything right. Click rightHERE and find out more about Restoring Trust in Relationships and getting your ex back after an affair.
Arlissa P. is a Relationship Recovery Mentor. Everyone deserves to have someone special in their life. Perhaps your relationship has broken up and you want to get your ex back. Arlissa is an expert in this area and has written many articles on the topic. These can be found at her Relationship Recovery Blog.
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Getting Your Ex Back After an Affair
You have performed the unthinkable! You had an affair and now you want your ex back. In a moment of weakness, you destroyed your relationship as well as the trust your significant other contained for you. You jeopardized your relationship as well as the foundation of your future with your loved one.
Unbelievably, there is hope. You can still get your ex back. There have been reconciliations performed couples after affairs but you must perform your tactics carefully while being sympathetic to your loved one who you betrayed. You must keep in mind that you are the one who screwed up, not your significant other. You must be willing to admit your mistake while proving that you can be trusted once again in the future.
Admit the affair.
Do not blame your significant other for your foolish ways. Do not do it if you want to get your ex back. You must keep in mind that your significant other does not want to hear that you had an affair because of their actions. Your significant other is already questioning why you had the affair therefore, do not try to justify your horrible actions, be honest while admitting that what you did was wrong.
Allow your significant other to express how you
Allow your significant other to express how they feel. Allow them to express their anger as well as hurt. You have brought hurt to your significant other so it is your duty to tolerate what they have to say referencing the affair.
Do not place guilt trips on your significant other.
Do not try to make your ex feel guilty over your actions. Own up to your own actions while admitting you were wrong and that your ex is not responsible for your actions. This will show maturity as well as hope for a possible reconciliation.
Be open to counseling
Suggest counseling to your ex. Counseling could be the deciding factor in reconciliation. Be open to the fact that your relationship needs help and a paid professional could bring in a fresh perspective while providing your ex with someone outside the situation to speak with.
Admit to yourself that what you did was wrong. Admitting your guilt to your ex will not be helpful if you inwardly do not realize the significance of the situation. You must first focus on yourself while examining the reason you had the affair. This is not an easy situation to be in however, you have placed yourself in this situation and it is now up to you in determining if your ex wants you back. Remain open and honest while showing your love for your ex. If you can gain back the trust of your ex while exhibiting obvious support, which is needed, you might be given the second chance, which you feel you deserve.
Why is getting your ex back so important to you? Because a good relationship is one of the most treasured of human interactions. We all want to be loved. There are the great times together, the shared dreams and visions, the mutual likes and dislikes and more. Great relationships are essential for enjoying a good quality of life. They color everything else around us.
Getting Your Ex Back After an Affair
You have performed the unthinkable! You had an affair and now you want your ex back. In a moment of weakness, you destroyed your relationship as well as the trust your significant other contained for you. You jeopardized your relationship as well as the foundation of your future with your loved one.
Unbelievably, there is hope. You can still get your ex back. There have been reconciliations performed couples after affairs but you must perform your tactics carefully while being sympathetic to your loved one who you betrayed. You must keep in mind that you are the one who screwed up, not your significant other. You must be willing to admit your mistake while proving that you can be trusted once again in the future.
Admit the affair.
Do not blame your significant other for your foolish ways. Do not do it if you want to get your ex back. You must keep in mind that your significant other does not want to hear that you had an affair because of their actions. Your significant other is already questioning why you had the affair therefore, do not try to justify your horrible actions, be honest while admitting that what you did was wrong.
Allow your significant other to express how you
Allow your significant other to express how they feel. Allow them to express their anger as well as hurt. You have brought hurt to your significant other so it is your duty to tolerate what they have to say referencing the affair.
Do not place guilt trips on your significant other.
Do not try to make your ex feel guilty over your actions. Own up to your own actions while admitting you were wrong and that your ex is not responsible for your actions. This will show maturity as well as hope for a possible reconciliation.
Be open to counseling
Suggest counseling to your ex. Counseling could be the deciding factor in reconciliation. Be open to the fact that your relationship needs help and a paid professional could bring in a fresh perspective while providing your ex with someone outside the situation to speak with.
Admit to yourself that what you did was wrong. Admitting your guilt to your ex will not be helpful if you inwardly do not realize the significance of the situation. You must first focus on yourself while examining the reason you had the affair. This is not an easy situation to be in however, you have placed yourself in this situation and it is now up to you in determining if your ex wants you back. Remain open and honest while showing your love for your ex. If you can gain back the trust of your ex while exhibiting obvious support, which is needed, you might be given the second chance, which you feel you deserve.
Why is getting your ex back so important to you? Because a good relationship is one of the most treasured of human interactions. We all want to be loved. There are the great times together, the shared dreams and visions, the mutual likes and dislikes and more. Great relationships are essential for enjoying a good quality of life. They color everything else around us.
Check this out now – http://getbackanexnow.com/go/now.php Some quick tips to help stop the hurt and get you back on the right track TODAY. You CAN do this!
My Husband Had An Affair. How Can I Win Him Back?
The other day, I received an email from a wife who asked for my advice on how to “win my husband back after he had an affair.” This email bothered me on a few levels. First off, it brought back some painful memories in my own life from when my husband cheated. I understood the pain that this wife was in. But, I worried that she felt that she had to “win him back” when it was he who had cheated. She had done nothing wrong, so why did that make him a prize that had to be “won?”
I told the wife that I could most certainly advise her on how to strengthen her position and hopefully save the marriage, but I didn’t feel that she should demean herself by trying to lure him back. In truth, he needed to be a willing participant in this process. Coming back had to be his decision. However, there were some things that she could do to make this more likely. I will discuss these things in the following article.
Creating An Environment That Makes Both Of You Want To Return To The Marriage: First off, I have to say this and I hope that you will not take it the wrong way. I have interviewed many men who cheated for my blog and my research and I can tell you that women who appear needy, weak, and unsure are not very attractive to men. So, I know that this wife’s husband was probably not going to respond in the way that she wanted if her attitude of wanting to “win” him back showed through.
She needed to approach this like she was an equal partner and as though she fully believed (which she should) that he had some work to do and some things that he needed to bring to the marriage as well. This was to be an equal partnership and her actions needed to start reflecting this. This sort of confidence was going to be a lot more attractive to him and was going to make him much more likely to provide the behavior and receptiveness that she was looking for.
Her real goal (I believed) was to come at this from a place of wanting both of them to rebuild a marriage of equals where both partners could be happy, confident, and fulfilled. She needed to make very clear to him that the affair had hurt and damaged her and the marriage and that things most definitely needed to change. She could concede that their were problems in the marriage that were contributed by both of them, but fixing this was going to require a commitment and effort on both of their parts.
The wife was very afraid of this stance because she felt that making demands might make him pull away. I understand this fear, but if this wife continued to take a subservient stance, then she was always going to wonder when and if he was going to cheat again. The husband would always have the upper hand and continue on with his questionable behavior. She needed to break this cycle and she needed to show him that she was a strong, confident, and competent woman worth fighting for. This would encourage some different and newly emerging behavior on his part.
If the husband did not and would not change, then she would have her answer. He would be exposed as the person of low integrity that she had feared. But, there was also the possibility that he would rise to the occasion and work with her to build something newer and better – something that would work for both of them, not one of them.
Now, of course, the wife told me that she was not sure if or when the husband was going to leave the other woman and come back. Well, she truly did not have a lot of control over this. Her husband had to make this decision. She could present herself in the most positive light possible by getting out with friends, focusing on staying busy, and putting her best foot forward but I did not want for her to compete with this woman. This again was demeaning behavior which was only going to weaken her position.
Instead, I told her to communicate to him that she was not ready to turn her back on the marriage, that she would give the husband the time to sort out his feelings, and she would listen to his decision when he made it. But she would not remain in a relationship when there were three people in it. In this way, the husband knows that she is receptive to making things work when and if he makes the break with the other woman, but she is coming at it from a position of strength rather than a position of weakness.
I now that this advice may seem risky, but it really can work. Although I never would’ve believed this two years ago, my marriage is stronger than ever after my husband’s affair. It took a lot of work, and I had to play the game to win, but it was worth it. Because of all the work I did on myself, my
The other day, I received an email from a wife who asked for my advice on how to “win my husband back after he had an affair.” This email bothered me on a few levels. First off, it brought back some painful memories in my own life from when my husband cheated. I understood the pain that this wife was in. But, I worried that she felt that she had to “win him back” when it was he who had cheated. She had done nothing wrong, so why did that make him a prize that had to be “won?”
I told the wife that I could most certainly advise her on how to strengthen her position and hopefully save the marriage, but I didn’t feel that she should demean herself by trying to lure him back. In truth, he needed to be a willing participant in this process. Coming back had to be his decision. However, there were some things that she could do to make this more likely. I will discuss these things in the following article.
Creating An Environment That Makes Both Of You Want To Return To The Marriage: First off, I have to say this and I hope that you will not take it the wrong way. I have interviewed many men who cheated for my blog and my research and I can tell you that women who appear needy, weak, and unsure are not very attractive to men. So, I know that this wife’s husband was probably not going to respond in the way that she wanted if her attitude of wanting to “win” him back showed through.
She needed to approach this like she was an equal partner and as though she fully believed (which she should) that he had some work to do and some things that he needed to bring to the marriage as well. This was to be an equal partnership and her actions needed to start reflecting this. This sort of confidence was going to be a lot more attractive to him and was going to make him much more likely to provide the behavior and receptiveness that she was looking for.
Her real goal (I believed) was to come at this from a place of wanting both of them to rebuild a marriage of equals where both partners could be happy, confident, and fulfilled. She needed to make very clear to him that the affair had hurt and damaged her and the marriage and that things most definitely needed to change. She could concede that their were problems in the marriage that were contributed by both of them, but fixing this was going to require a commitment and effort on both of their parts.
The wife was very afraid of this stance because she felt that making demands might make him pull away. I understand this fear, but if this wife continued to take a subservient stance, then she was always going to wonder when and if he was going to cheat again. The husband would always have the upper hand and continue on with his questionable behavior. She needed to break this cycle and she needed to show him that she was a strong, confident, and competent woman worth fighting for. This would encourage some different and newly emerging behavior on his part.
If the husband did not and would not change, then she would have her answer. He would be exposed as the person of low integrity that she had feared. But, there was also the possibility that he would rise to the occasion and work with her to build something newer and better – something that would work for both of them, not one of them.
Now, of course, the wife told me that she was not sure if or when the husband was going to leave the other woman and come back. Well, she truly did not have a lot of control over this. Her husband had to make this decision. She could present herself in the most positive light possible by getting out with friends, focusing on staying busy, and putting her best foot forward but I did not want for her to compete with this woman. This again was demeaning behavior which was only going to weaken her position.
Instead, I told her to communicate to him that she was not ready to turn her back on the marriage, that she would give the husband the time to sort out his feelings, and she would listen to his decision when he made it. But she would not remain in a relationship when there were three people in it. In this way, the husband knows that she is receptive to making things work when and if he makes the break with the other woman, but she is coming at it from a position of strength rather than a position of weakness.
I now that this advice may seem risky, but it really can work. Although I never would’ve believed this two years ago, my marriage is stronger than ever after my husband’s affair. It took a lot of work, and I had to play the game to win, but it was worth it. Because of all the work I did on myself, my self esteem is at an all time high. I no longer worry my husband will cheat again. You can read a very personal story on my blog at http://surviving-the-affair.com/
Katie Lersch writes articles about moving past an affair. Her corresponding blog is at http://surviving-the-affair.com/
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Get Your Ex Back After the Affair
You want to get your ex back after she or he had an affair! Before you start thinking how you are going to get your ex back, you need to ask yourself if you can forget and forgive.
In such situation, getting your ex back makes only sense if you can move past the hurt and emotional pain of the betrayal. No one forgets affair of someone we love. Some people stay together and they do alright but you have to accept that your relationship will never be the same. It is an important factor in deciding if you want get your ex back.
Taking a cheating lover or spouse back is a big sacrifice. It really is. Trust me I know what I am talking about here. You will look around and envy the untainted relationships. It will make your relationship look differently, more like a cost benefit analysis than a romantic thing. For people, who have an idealistic idea of relationship, it is a big loss. Of course, the time and effort put in keeping the relationship intact after the affair will mitigate the loss. I guess it is the same for all losses. But they never look at their partners or spouses quite the same again. Even the cheaters regret it despite that they have brought it into their lives.
But the question if it is worth to try to get your ex back after the affair is far more complex. It is true that your relationship is not going to be as it was before. But it doesn’t mean it is ruined completely. For instance, is getting your ex back worth the effort if she or he has learned a painful lesson from the affair? Is it more risky than starting a new relationship with someone you don’t know too well?
Of course, trying to get your ex back in case if they don’t show any genuine remorse or don’t take any active measures to change the behaviour pattern which led them to cheating in the first place, is completely different story.
Why bother with trying to get your ex back if they don’t see anything wrong with what they have done.
But if you truly believe that your ex has learned a horrible and painful lesson, I honestly believe that they are less likely to ever cheat on you again than someone who has never gone through it at all. Your ex is no greater risk than someone new.
I firmly believe that it is possible to recover a relationship or marriage from infidelity. Yes, it is difficult, but it is doable. But only you can answer if getting your ex back is worth the effort in your particular situation.
Why is getting your ex back so important to you? Because a good relationship is one of the most treasured of human interactions. We all want to be loved. There are the great times together, the shared dreams and visions, the mutual likes and dislikes and more. Great relationships are essential for enjoying a good quality of life. They color everything else around us.